This weekend we are celebrating my niece's first birthday. It is pretty amazing how such a tiny person could bring so much joy, laughter and love into our lives.
But sadly, this happy weekend is bringing up a lot of emotions for me. I hate that my feelings are trying to get in the way, so I'm trying to keep them to myself. I feel like it should be my own private issue, I guess. I take that back. I want to talk about it but I also don't want to take away from any of this. It isn't about me.
I've just been thinking about my baby so much. Seeing my niece reaching all these milestones...it's hard sometimes. I love her. But I miss my baby. I didn't realize that it was possible to miss someone that you never got a chance to meet. At least not this much.
They say it gets easier with time. You really just stop noticing things. Until something hits you. Like this has hit me.
I was doing so well with all of this too. It's one step forward, two steps back. Every cycle. This is just a "back" moment.
I just wish that there was a light at the end of this tunnel.