First of all, the new cycle started right on schedule. No funkiness, so that's good! It was also right in line with the moon so it'll be interesting to see if I stay aligned with the full moon. This is also our very last chance for a baby in 2015. That's a hard truth to swallow, let me tell you. If not, I guess the new goal would be to be pregnant before my due date in June.
So on Sunday, we were discussing our favorite topic lately: jobs. Chris has been hunting and so have I. An old coworker had texted me to ask if I would come back. Our old boss moved to another branch and she got promoted so there was an opening. I had also applied for another job through a family member but was told they would take a long time to get anything going. We were talking about that situation when I discovered that my last kid-free friend had announced her pregnancy.
I was a wreck. Like really, really bad. And then she texted me with a well intended but insensitive comment that made it even worse.
That night and all day Monday we
Yesterday I was excited about it. Today I'm kind of mad. My thought process has been like this:
I should be having a baby in June--not going back to work.
I should cancel the RE. What's the freaking point? He can't give me a 2015 baby anyway.
I have to get up early again...
I should ask for my due date off. WTF--already?
Maybe the RE will do an ultrasound and squeeze an IUI in this cycle and it'll work and be awesome....
I wouldn't get FMLA if that happened.
Ugh. I guess I'm going to have to tell them about the fertility treatments.
We're going to have to figure out a new routine.
Poor Kinley...we've both been home for so long and now we're both going to be working full time again.
Ugh. When am I going to grocery shop?
I need new clothes.
I should spend that money on an IUI instead.
The fact that our infertility is such a big part of our decision making is really frustrating. These life decisions are being made because things aren't working out like we hoped and that is so hard! But I guess I need to put on my big girl pants and hope that this is a step towards better days. Dave Ramsey says that you have to live like no one else so you can live like no one else. Hopefully that's true and this sacrifice will make what we really want a reality!