Friday, October 17, 2014

Miscarriage Awareness | Trying Again

Trying to conceive after a miscarriage is a really conflicted process. On the one hand, the anecdotes about increased fertility make you want to take advantage, on the other it might seem wrong...and on still another it is very frustrating to be starting all over again.

When I miscarried, we were NTNP the first cycle. The second, I tried to start charting again but found it very overwhelming. A couple of cycles later I started charting, and we were half-heartedly trying. It wasn't until 6 months after the miscarriage that we started actively trying again. There was no physical reason for us to wait (because that is sometimes a factor as well) but we did because I just wasn't ready. And when I was ready, I found that some things about TTC had changed.

  • Baby steps are your best friend. Don't feel obligated to go all out charting and temping and whatever else right away. Give yourself time. 
  • Getting motivated to try is also not as easy, because you know that the outcome of a positive pregnancy test isn't always a baby.
  • You might become a testaholic. Finding out whether or not we were successful as soon as possible became really important to me. For one, it gave me time to process either way. For two, it gave me the ability to plan our next steps. That's comforting. 
  • You will probably feel like you have to be careful about how excited and hopeful you let yourself be during the two week wait.
  • While you'll be disappointed when you get a BFN, you might actually be relieved too because even though you aren't pregnant, at least you know that you aren't going to have to go through another loss. 

All of these things are normal. You feel how you feel, and it's okay. Just don't get bogged down in all of that.

Eventually, you get to a place where you can be excited and hopeful about trying again. That's awesome--embrace it. Let yourself hope. Let yourself dream. It's cliché, but I've been thinking about the line from Disney's Cinderella. "Even miracles take a little time". I absolutely believe that it is true--whatever form your miracle takes.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

IUI Update

Hey all, I know that you have probably been wondering whatever happened with IUI #2. It's complicated, and I'll post soon but for all get to wait a little bit longer.

Just like yours truly, who you all know is very impatient.

TTC Thursday: When it Takes a Village

Today I was thinking about the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. We accept that idea and often embrace it. Personally, my someday-children will be blessed in this regard. I have 6 brothers and sisters who will be involved in their lives, and Chris has a brother. They will have cousins coming out the wazoo, and extended family. And we have good friends who will be even more aunts and uncles, and even like another set of grandparents!

An idea that maybe isn't so popular, or at least is a little harder to accept, is the idea that sometimes it takes a village to have a child as well. The idea that we couldn't do it on our own has been one that I have really struggled with. I resented the fact that we had to get help.

I've been coming around though, as time has gone on. And I realize that we have been blessed with an amazing village in the last few years. Even though a majority of them don't know what we are going through, they have still been supportive. Prayers, encouragement, just asking how we're doing. From the support groups where we commiserate to the friends I text almost daily, to our family, we have been surrounded by support and love. And hope. That's probably the biggest thing, because it is hard to hope sometimes when you're in the thick of this battle. Hope comes easier to others, and I have been constantly reminded that I need to keep hoping lately.

And then, there is the clinic. The nurses and ultrasound techs who take my thousand questions in stride. Who are excited and hopeful right alongside us. Who do things like play certain music during the iui to get as much good mojo going as possible. I am so thankful for them.

Our village is pretty outstanding. We have been so blessed in this.

I encourage you to embrace your village, let them hope with and for you. Let them pick you up when things get tough. Let them mourn with you when you hurt. It is so worth it.