Friday, September 19, 2014

IUI #2

This week has been a whirlwind of emotion for us. First of all, AF showed. Obviously, that was a huge disappointment. Chris is definitely struggling with anger and frustration at the world. I had a semi-breakdown the other day where I poured out how completely broken I was feeling over about 4 text messages to Chris while he was at work. Then there's been insurance stuff, business stuff, family drama...


But it finally came together. Somehow, someway, it came together. And in just a couple of days, everything will be okay.

We have our insurance situation squared away, the drama got straightened out, we took a big step towards the business, I'm significantly less hormonal...and IUI #2 is in the works! That really helps with the "angry at the world" issues, but we're still working on those.

For this cycle, we are trying a very low dose of Clomid starting tomorrow and ending on Wednesday. Then on Saturday we are scheduled for an ultrasound to check on my follicle development and then hopefully we will get an IUI date! Based on how awesome last cycle was with my development, we're hoping that the Clomid will give us the extra boost that we need.

So, every appendage is crossed for this cycle and for a BFP in time for my dad's birthday next month!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

TTC Thursday: Coping with a Failed Cycle

Whether you are trying the old fashioned way or doing IUI/IVF, it is always really disheartening to get a BFN and start your period. It's even worse, I think, when you have tried something new that you are very hopeful will work, or know that it was a "perfect" cycle. This cycle, we were so disappointed that the IUI didn't work, and it got me thinking about how to cope with that.

Here are my tricks for coping with a failed cycle.

Make sure that you have everything you need to physically deal with AF.
This means making sure that you aren't scrambling to find that last tampon or have to send your hubby to the store. Seriously. Because someone thought it was a really great idea to put the pregnancy tests right next to the pads and tampons, and you will likely be there when a teenager is there picking one out. Also, heating pads are amazing for managing cramps.

Slow down.
If you can manage it, try to keep your schedule open for at least the first couple of days. For me, those tend to be the days with the heaviest flow when I'm most likely to be crampy so I try to take it easy. I don't NEED to, but I like to when I can.

Indulge yourself...but don't overdo it.
A lot of women crave chocolate during their periods, and chocolate IS actually shown to be somewhat good for you. But don't use your period as an excuse to overdo it, because sugar can actually make your cramps worse. Moderation is always a good thing!

Pamper yourself.
This is an excellent time to make yourself feel good. Getting a haircut (or color), a mani or pedi, long hot showers, warm baths with essential oils, a new something to make yourself feel good. My period is when I tend to feel the least sexy, so I like to do a little something to help!

Give yourself time to grieve...and then move on.
When you are fighting infertility, each and every cycle can feel like a loss. It is perfectly normal to grieve when you start your period, and you should definitely honor those feelings! But don't dwell on it. Ultimately, you have no control over whether or not each cycle works, so don't punish yourself for something that you couldn't do anything about. (This one is so hard for me!!) Instead, pump yourself up for a new cycle!

Plan for next time. 
My go-to method of dealing with Aunt Flow's arrival is to start thinking about the coming cycle and getting excited for it. This can mean trying something new, or sticking with something a little more. Like...using Preseed more than once in a cycle, exercising a little more, or trying a new supplement. Honestly, there isn't a lot that you can do to change the outcome of your cycles, but for me, it helps to know that I did everything in my power to give us the best chance.

Try not to stress.
On the heels of what I just said, I'm also saying to not stress. It is SO easy to get caught up in all of those little things and end up stressed out--don't do it! Stress is really bad for trying to get pregnant, so if any of those little things is something that is stressing you out, DON'T DO IT. You can't remember to take Maca every day? Don't worry about it. You can't stand yoga? Do something that you DO like. Does the fertility diet make your head spin? Just make good choices about what you're putting in your body and forget about being on a specific "diet". Ultimately, none of those things are going to do you any good if you are completely stressed out trying to accomplish them. Use this time to let go and refocus.

Good luck and baby dust to all of you starting a new cycle!

How do you cope when AF shows?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Time for Round Two

After a couple days of spotting and several BFNs, AF very slowly made her appearance last night. I'm doing okay, because I had some advanced warning and just knew instinctively that I wasn't pregnant based on how I was feeling. Chris, on the other hand, has taken it pretty hard. He's very frustrated, which is totally understandable. I'm not used to getting such a strong reaction from him about this--it's a recent thing for him to outwardly show his disappointment.

As for our next step...I don't know. I emailed the clinic this morning and haven't heard back yet. I'm assuming that they needed to consult my doctor about some aspect of "The Plan", but I don't know for sure. That actually makes me nervous because I feel like if it were an issue of "Oh I'm sorry, that how it goes you want to try again?" they would have already contacted me. The fact that they haven't makes me feel like they might be leaning towards more testing or a different approach rather than just trying again. But we'll see what happens. If I don't hear back tomorrow morning I'm planning on calling them.

The financial aspect of this is really starting to hit me. I'm just realizing how expensive this is and that we might be forced to take a break simply because we can't afford the procedures. It really sucks that our insurance doesn't cover any of this! Insurance is a whole other thing right's just a big fat B-word!

So that's where we're at for the moment. Nothing especially exciting yet!

Friday, September 12, 2014


This week has been dragging by. Both Chris and I are ready for the weekend--which we are supposed to have fantastic weather this weekend and I am so excited about it! But we're almost there!

This week our "Currently" prompts are falling, wearing, making, smiling and learning. Don't forget to stop by and visit the hosts!

Lately I've been falling asleep! This progesterone is making me so sleepy! Actually it's pretty much just low energy until about 9:30. After that I'm done. 

I'm really excited about the fact that I can start wearing fall clothes here soon! I love the colors and styles so much more than spring/summer clothes! 

I'm still making a bunch of tomato sauce! I have maybe one more batch coming and then we'll be done. But then it'll be on to applesauce! I absolutely love homemade applesauce. It's seriously the best thing ever. 

Kinley made me smile earlier this week--I went in the living room to find the throw blankets tossed on the floor. He was nowhere to be found but I asked if he did it and went downstairs. I came back him him excitedly bouncing around at the top of the stairs and prancing over to show me the blankets. I couldn't do anything but laugh at him!

Lately I'm learning a lesson in patience. I'm not a patient person but I'm having to be right now! I'm also learning a lot about the new insurance regulations...that's not fun, but it's necessary. 

Have a great weekend everyone! 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

TTC Thursday: Stats

  • 2 years and 10 months.
  • Over 30 cycles. I stopped counting.
  • 174 ovulation tests.

  • About $1000 in supplies and out of pocket costs. This year.
  • 4 healthcare providers.
  • 4 offices.
  • 21 injections. That's 50,000 total units of HCG.
  • ~20 blood tests. I think. 
  • 1 internal ultrasound.
  • 1 thyroid ultrasound.
  • 10 supplements/vitamins/ medications.
  • 1 miscarriage.
  • 1 chemical pregnancy.
  • 43 pregnancy tests. That's not counting other random brands here and there. 
  • 1 IUI.

That's what 2 years and 10 months looks like in numbers. It doesn't count anything related to my brief pregnancy and miscarriage.

Looking at those stats compared to others, I feel like I've experienced "Infertility Lite". But who knows what is to come.

Obviously I'm trying to think tons of happy, positive thoughts about our first IUI. I'm willing it to work with every fiber of my being. But will it work? How much more will I add to this list before I get pregnant with our take-home baby? I just don't know, and for a Type A personality like me, not knowing is just plain painful.

We're in the home stretch now. Halfway through our two week wait and almost at an answer. Honestly, at the end of every two week wait is a little relief mixed in with the disappointment, because at least I know. I'm not wondering anymore, or wishing, or willing. There's a fact laid out in front of me. One that I can't overthink or question. It. Just. Is.

And now, there's more hope than there was before. There are options to play with and new possibilities to consider. So that helps.

Six days left.