3 Weeks Later

Three weeks post-miscarriage, I'm pretty well feeling normal. Physically and emotionally, which kind of surprises me. I assumed that I would recover quickly physically, but I thought it would take much longer to recover emotionally. I think maybe the fact that I was spotting and having problems for so long before the actual loss helped. I had time to deal with it and prepare for it.

That isn't to say it doesn't make me sad to have lost my baby. I'm just saying that the physical experience was easier because I had prepared for it emotionally.

And emotionally, I'm really good. People keep asking me if I'm okay, kind of walking on eggshells about it. But I'm okay. I know that the loss didn't have anything to do with something I did or didn't do. I don't carry any blame or guilt. I have peace about it. I mean, I loved that baby with everything I had for the few weeks I carried him or her. It's not like I failed.

On a side note, my mom is calling the baby a he. I don't know if she just has a feeling about it or what but she and several other family members have referred to the baby as a boy. Anyway, the concensus is that he is being taken care of by my grandparents and great grandparents in Heaven for now. It's a sweet, beautiful image regardless of what your personal beliefs are. I'm not 100% sure of what mine are anymore, but that is one of the most comforting things I've heard throughout this whole thing. And honestly, I think that is what counts. Cue the waterworks. Ok.

So what now? Well, I'm waiting to start my next period. My midwife told us to wait until then to start TTC again. Mostly for dating purposes, but also to make sure that I have physically recovered. And I'm okay with that part of it. But I do not like not knowing when I'm going to start. Planner that I am, I like to know. You know, so I don't wear khakis that day or something.

But more importantly, if by some miracle I do get pregnant again (because I have two friends that it happened to!) I want to know quickly in case there is an issue with my progesterone that we can address really quickly--hopefully to prevent any more problems.

So I'm kind of anxious right now! I'm kind of expecting AF in the next week, and if that doesn't happen I'm planning on talking to my midwife about it to figure out where to go from here.

Right around the time of the miscarriage I dreamt that I was picking out a necklace. It had a silver charm with something on it that I couldn't really see. It also had two charms, gemstones. In my dream I saw a blue topaz and a diamond. I told my mom and said that I wanted to look for it. I was on Pinterest the next day and stumbled on the picture I posted above. I couldn't believe it! I wasn't even looking for it either. So I showed Chris, and said I wanted to get it. We agreed that I should, so I ordered it from Sima Gilady Jewelry. Instead of getting blue topaz (December's stone) and diamond (April), I got pearl (June, for Chris) and diamond (April, for this pregnancy). Well, the crystals or whatever they are. Anyway, it arrived on Friday and it is beautiful! I love it. The inscription is "I Carry Your Heart with Me" taken from a poem by E. E. Cummings. I loved it because it's something I can add to and keep forever.

Random Thursday

It's almost the end of the week and we are almost at the end of the month. Man, time flies!

Tonight, dinner is Chinese, my DVDs from the library are officially LATE, I have seedlings to plant tomorrow and tonight my house will be lucky to get a touch up. It's that kind of day.

So...Christopher. Still limping some days. He is also still only working part time, but he has had a string of side jobs that are making him seriously consider opening a shop for himself. Word is spreading that he does good work. He's been really quiet about the loss. Doesn't say much about it at all, actually. He would rather just move on from it. Not forgetting, just not dwelling either. Otherwise, I think he is enjoying his freedom with work. He's much happier this way, calling the shots on his own. He has been doing the grocery shopping too, which I like a lot!

And me? Work sucks. That is a big, gigantic post waiting to be whined written. Basically, my supervisor has crazy mood swings, is passive aggressive, and is generally really difficult.I interviewed for a new  job but don't know if I want to keep persuing it because it doesn't sound much better than where I am now. Just the work environment.

My garden will be mostly in this week! I have a couple more things to get--things I only wanted one or 2 of rather than 4-6 like the local grower was selling--but other than that we will FINALLY be getting started! I'm excited about it now! I have quite a few herbs and kept working at cleaning up my flower beds. My goal is to fill them up with herbs of all varieties, so that they can be beautiful AND useful. And smell good too! Some herbs will even deter mosquitos--lemongrass, I think. I want to figure out which ones do for sure and put those in containers on the back porch too. Mosquitos and I don't get along. I've also been trying really hard to get into an exercise routine. I have a hard time dedicating the time to it, but this week has been okay.

Other than all of that, Chris and I have been working to finish updates on the bathroom. It's a mess right now because the new faucet was leaking so I couldn't put anything back right away. We are so happy with how it turned out! With limited funds we were able to make it look really nice, I think.

We are having people over tomorrow for a BBQ and bonfire. We have a friend who was working in the Middle East and hasn't been home much for the last 5ish years, and he is home now. He leaves on Saturday so we are partying it up on Friday night. I can't wait!

And now that means I HAVE to clean my house.

Bathroom update!

Once upon a time, our bathroom looked like this.

Chris' grandparents had installed the tub because Chris' grandpa was unable to use a regular tub. When we first moved in, it was nice! You could sit in the lower part and be in a jacuzzi up to your neck. But then the jets started leaking, a hinge came off the door, and the warranty was up on it. Oh! And the company was out of business. Fantastic!

So we decided over a year ago that it was time for an update. In fact, in discussing particulars about us buying the house, Chris' grandma said she would fix it. But then Chris got in the accident and things have been crazy. So we are just now getting around to fixing it up!

We are so excited to finally have a real bathtub again, and an updated look! We replaced the tub and the fixtures on the tub and sink. We also replaced and frosted the window awhile ago. And I painted! I'm also working on decluttering and purging as we go through this process, so it's much less cluttered looking now!

I took these before we decided to do a second coat of paint, which is why the blue tape is still up. =)

The bathtub and surround are cultured marble, and so is the counter. It doesn't match exactly (different companies) but the tub is mostly hidden by the curtain so it doesn't look bad.

I use a couple of glass jars with lids for cotton balls and q-tips, and then I have a small glass votive that we keep tweezers and nail clippers in. My toothbrush holder is also an upcycled candle holder! I like using them because they will work no matter what colors I have in the bathroom and they are very easily cleaned! No high maintenance for me!

 



We did replace the towel bar under the window. We have an over-the-door hook but our towels just weren't drying out when we put 2 on it (it's a triple hook but I guess it was too crammed!) so we put the towel bar back.

 

Our hampers go in that little space under the counter, so they are usually hidden. And I like having that stool there, but I'm not sure if I will keep it or not yet.

 

Oh! And the sink faucet matches the one on the tub. I just realized that I didn't get the new one in this picture.

 

My favorite part of the shower head (aside that it's one of those rain ones) is that the center detaches! The old shower had the detachable shower head and it made it so much easier to clean! It was also great for bathing Kinley without soaking myself too. I told Chris I couldn't go back to not having that!

 

So there you go! My "new" bathroom!

 

Homemade Wine Slushies (UPDATED)

I'm going to warn you right now, this is a long story. But kind of funny, I think.

Awhile back my friend Stef introduced me to probably the most AWESOME drink dessert concoction ever. Wine Slushies. Frozen, alcoholic goodness.

She was at a local arts festival called Festival of the Little Hills and stumbled across a mix called Frappe Vino, and tried a sample. She ended up buying a box for us to try while we were moving her into her new house. Needless to say we were both in love with it!

But then, of course, like all good things it had to come to an end.

My hubby found another version and bought it for me, but then the next time I went to look for it...it wasn't there! (Seriously! How annoying is that??)

At the time, I figured I would just bide my time until the next Festival and then go hunt for it. (Yes, it's that good!) But then...lightbulb! The internet!

Off I went to hunt for this elusive drink mix, only to discover that it is $13.00 a box. Not counting shipping. Or the wait. Ha. No thanks!

So THEN I had another lightbulb moment (finally!) and turned to Google for a homemade version.

And then...victory!!

I found this recipe and decided to give it try. Sometime.

Only a week or so later, I found out that I was pregnant. So I stuck it in my HUGE favorites file of recipes to be tried sometime in the somewhat-distant-future.

Of course, we all know what has gone on in my life for last month-ish, and then my mother in law asked me for some wine slushies not too long ago (which was when I went to look for the 2nd version that my husband had found) so it popped into my head to make her a batch and some extra mix for Mother's Day.

So today, I FINALLY made my own version. Which I am now going to share because I figure I owe you that much if you've stuck with me for this long.

Homemade Wine Slushie Mix

 

For the mix:

1 2/3 to 1 3/4 cup white sugar (less sugar for sweeter wine)

1 1/2 to 2 tsp citric acid (I used 2 tsp Fruit Fresh by Ball)

 

Combine in a blender or food processor and run for 1-2 minutes. It comes out looking like this:

 



It's a lot less sparkly and it feels a little more like powdered sugar when you touch it.

I took a picture of regular sugar and the blended sugar so you could see the difference.

 



The pile on the right is the blended sugar. The difference is much easier to see in person!

 

 

That is all there is to the mix itself! Super easy and cheap! I paid under $3 for a bag of sugar and around $4.50 for a container of Fruit Fresh. I also bought a bottle of Arbor Mist Blackberry wine for about $4.00. That totals $11.50 but is actually WAY cheaper per batch because I definitely didn't use a whole bag of sugar or container of Fruit Fresh on this project!

 

So to make your slushies...

 

 

Add a bottle of wine (750ml) to your mix. I used a whisk to combine it.

 

Then add 3 cups of water.

 

Mix well and into the freezer it goes!

 

As of now, I'm waiting for it to freeze up. The directions said it takes about 3 hours, and it's been just about an hour now. I'll update with the finished product!!

 

UPDATE 5/13/13

 

So, I totally forgot to take pictures of the finished product and I left the rest of the slush for my mother in law. So....I guess that means that I'll be making more in the nearish future.

 

Oh darn!

 

Anyhoo, it took more like 6 hours to freeze up. But it was a really good consistency and tasted great!



Laundry Room Clean Up!

So, I have a basement laundry room. It's "semi-finished" but really...I don't like it very much! It's kind of dark. And dreary. And I just don't know how much I can do to it to change that, because that involves getting Chris to fully finish it...So for the longest time, I gave up on it. Let junk accumulate...you know the drill.

Until last night.

I guess I was inspired, because I'm reading "Organized Simplicity" by Tsh Oxenreider over at Simple Mom and I decided (in a totally spur of the moment kind of way) that I was tired of my laundry room being cluttered and awful (because I ran downstairs to throw in a load of laundry). I figured the first step to brightening it up would be to declutter and give it a decent clean.

So I did! I swept, vacuumed, and made a HUGE trash pile. With my hubby's help, of course. A lot of what we got rid of is house-related stuff. Like...old paint in old colors, caulk, grout, etc. Most of which is dried up and useless. Or broken stuff. Or a bunch of Chris' old remote control cars. (Yes, really. He's almost 28 and hasn't touched them in YEARS but yet they were still hanging around.)

 

 

So now, my laundry room looks like this...

Misc supplies and litterbox corner

Clothes rack with storage behind

 

Homemade laundry detergent, fabric softener and stain remover



 

Needless to say, I'm really happy with how it turned out. For still being a tad dark and dreary, what I did went a long way!

Next up...the bathroom! 

 

 

Human Again

Today I feel good. Better, actually, than I have in weeks.

Friday was a terrible day all around. I was just crazy emotional and I felt really bad physically--to the point where I was concerned that something was wrong. But Saturday I felt good, and even better today. I needed sleep and a day when I didn't think about everything. Saturday was it--I had some family members from Iowa that had come in for the weekend so everyone came here and we had a BBQ (my husband made some pulled pork that was AMAZING). Everyone was here cooking in my kitchen and visiting...I just didn't think about things and I just enjoyed life for a change. And it did me a lot of good. Another thing that helped a lot was that something happened last night where Chris just made me feel sexy. I felt like ME again, and it was awesome.

So today...I feel really, really good.

What should have been

A month ago today, I found out I was pregnant. Today I should be 8 weeks.

Instead...

Today sucks.